Thursday, March 22, 2007

I think I'm paranoid..

Ok so our project was "watching your back". I tend to break down projects once they are given to me. Why would a person watch their back? You can do it physically so you can prepare for fight or flight, and you can do it mentally...

Physically we do it everyday.

Cars are designed for a driver to be able to look in front of them and behind them from all angles. This is for safety...which is the same reason why we look behind us in other aspects in our lives..we need to see things from all angles. How we interpret our next move is based on the information provided to us, that's why we need to try and look at all angles. As children we do not have experiences that make us need to look back. We are making the paths the lead us to the final destination of who we will become.

After think about this assignment, I realized the only way to truly communicate what links our past to our physical actions is but analysing what I do. When I walk down the street I don't make eye contact with people. Mainly because when I was 14 my cousin whom I walked down the aisle with at my uncle's wedding a few years prior, was shot for making eye contact in New York. Since then I trained myself to not look around me with my eyes, but to look around with my ears.

Another reason I know I tend to watch my back is because I cannot trust the people paid to watch my back to do so for the right reasons. My grandmother moved to Philadelphia from South Carolina during the Rizzo years here. For those who don't know much about his time as mayor lemme insert this pic..

That isn't from a Philadelphia archive but that is the way one particular scene my grandma described on the Susquehanna subway stop seemed like it looked. Looking back at old memories that you haven't directly experienced, but has a strong effect on you tend to dictate how you will react when a similar situation arises. When a cop trails me in my car I feel like I have a big

on me. My mother was once a cop as well and she had problems within the department.

Mentally we look back for guidance to our future. Some people call that baggage I call that wisdom. Some days I long for the days when things were simple...I envy being able to look back and

When I go out I only go to places I know people. When I go to those places I sit in the corner so I can see the entire room..

(in the chart I ALWAYS sit in seats at table 68 &69 which is in the corner near the the entrance).

When I go out to eat I can't sit with my back to the front door or the window. If I do I am uneasy. SO I came to the conclusion that I am paranoid..and I am alright with it.